So you’ve managed to get 20 guys on base, hit two 2-run home runs in the bottom of the ninth, had the bases loaded 3 different times, Andy Pettitte’s corpse and something named Hiroki Kuroda have been as close to perfect on the mound as you can get without actually being perfect, you’ve played two games at home with your little league depth fences and a lineup that does little more than crush monster dongs, you’ve only given up 9 runs in 21 innings.
And you’re down two games to none. You’re the Yankees; you’re from New York (hashtag Bronx Accent). You’re baseball royalty and you’re down two games to none. You’re the consummate professionals, you’re the pinstripes and your reward; you’re down two games to none, Derek Jeter fractured his ankle, you wasted Kuroda’s near perfect game by providing him with zero offense, you wasted Ibanez and Ichiro’s heroic performance by getting shutout by a rookie (I see you Smyly) and now you get a face full of Verlander and Scherzer. Congratulations.
The Detroit Tigers did play well down the stretch but were gifted a playoff berth when the White Sox lost 12 of 14 at the end of the season. The Detroit Tigers did play well but were gifted a game one win when Fister got out of 3 bases loaded situations; twice because my J-Hommie, Captain Slow Jhonny Peralta made some sick grabs and got a runner at second, then got A-Rod at first the second the time (both times the runner was probably safe).
But that’s exactly what you need. You need to receive a few gifts along the way while you earn your World Series Championship.
The Detroit Tigers took the Big Apple’s game one gift and returned the favor with a fist full of Anibal Lecter, The Animal Anibal Sanchez (and other not-so-clever puns) coming at your jugular. I broke down the Tigers pitching staff earlier (here) and Sanchez had been the best pitcher on the staff for the last month of the regular season and he picked up right where’d left off. His control was on point and he made the Yankee’s power hitters look silly.
If you look at the kind of pitchers Fister and Sanchez are and you look at the type of hitters the Yankee’s fill their lineup with the results of these games should be of no surprise.
The Yankee’s load their lineup with free swinging power hitters, who take porn hacks every time they come up to the plate and Sanchez and Fister are control, ground ball pitchers. They keep everything low and force players to hit ground balls (to the tone of 11 ground balls to 2 fly balls for Sanchez) not the Yankee’s strong suite. It’s hard to hit monster dongs off, off-speed pitches and filthy breaking balls at your ankles.
Ideally, the Yankee’s would’ve like to have faced Verlander and Scherzer in New York (if facing Verlander and Scherzer can be anyone’s idea of an ideal situation) because philosophically it is easier to hit home runs off of power pitchers with a proclivity for throwing fastballs. Unfortunately, by the time the Yankee’s lineup got around to facing Verlander and Scherzer they were already down two games to none and the series had moved to Detroit.
The difference between New Yankee Stadium and Comerica Park is simple (one has fans that stay the whole game-Detroit-and the other has fans who leave after the 7th-New York…shots fired!) home runs in Yankee Stadium are mere pop flies at Comerica Park. Verlander gave up 14 fly balls and only one home run at the top of the ninth to Eduardo Nunez (the newest addition to the random group of crappy short stops who end up being Tiger Killers) and Scherzer gave up 5 fly balls (he was too busy striking guys out) for no home runs.
For those of you who got lost in the labyrinth of math and english…that’s a four game sweep. I could’ve talked about the A-Rod situation and Ibanez’s heroics more, because New York athletes don’t get enough coverage as it is, but I really don’t care about the Yankee’s, and the better team and the more entertaining team resides right here in Detroit!
Moral of the story, Anibal Sanchez is playing like an Animal, Fister is…well the joke here is a little too crude, but I’m sure you can figure it out, Verlander is the best pitcher in baseball and Scherzer’s stuff is better. Bleep me that’s awesome!
You know what? Bleep jinxes, bleep curses, bleep etiquette, bleep decorum! We’re winning this thing!
We’ve got the best hitter in baseball, we’ve got the best pitcher in baseball, we’ve got the best bat flip in baseball!
Bleep you, this is Detroit BITCH!
Okay I’m going to stop rambling now, see you in a week.